(Video) Marriage on the DECLINE! Single Women, Unmarried Women, Divorced Women are Forgoing Marriage. DON'T SAY I DO! by Orna Gadish shows why.

Today's women, more than ever before, are opting out of marriage. It's a sweeping cultural change embraced by millions that can't be ignored, according to Orna Gadish, M.Sc., author of Don’t Say I Do! Why Women Should Stay Single. There are various alternative relationship, dwelling, motherhood, career, and family structures for modern women which are great alternatives to marriage. A powerful read for women and men who want explanation as to why marriage is on the decline and how women can benefit from the new situation.

(Opinion) Marriage Decline is Happening Now. Two Excellent Books Discuss the Reasons

It is no secret that the institution of marriage is on the decline today, but the causes and factors involved in this trend are less straightforward. However, two excellent books, The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today (Knopf 2009) written by Andrew Cherlin, and Don’t Say I Do! Why Women Should Stay Single (New Horizon Press, 2012) written by Orna Gadish go some way in addressing marriage and its apparent decline

Both books provide insight into the transformations and conflicts in modern society that have brought about record numbers of divorce, such as different life expectations between the generations, everlasting gender gaps, social and cultural indicators, and pervasive individualism in America (Cherlin), and throughout the western world (Gadish). However, despite the outwardly similarity of positions with regard to marriage decline and marriage obsolescence in society and culture taken by both authors—these books sharply diverge in their conclusions about marriage.

While critical of the institution of marriage, Andrew Cherlin still seems to have faith in it citing studies detailing the negative effects of divorce. For Cherlin the pervasive individualism of modern culture has made people judge marriage not based on level of commitment but rather on the level of happiness. This can explain the record growth of divorce, as modern couples are less tolerant of unhappiness, and thus, lack the "spirit of compromise" required for successful marriages. However, according to Cherlin, despite the record levels of divorce, people in the U.S. are still likely to get married or re-marry, thus leading to "a marriage go round."

Orna Gadish, author of Don’t Say I Do!, comes to a different conclusion altogether based on the same facts, as she accents viable modern options and opportunities in relationships and alternative family settings that have become part of consensus today. Such prevalent alternatives in modern society were neglected by Cherlin in the Marriage Go Round (published in 2009), for Cherlin is evidently leaning toward the old-fashioned agreement of matrimony, and that in stark contradiction to modern and western social trends.

While the difference in outlook might be ideological, I believe that the timing of release of both of the books, Don't Say I Do! (in 2012) and the Marriage Go Round (in 2009) could have also played a role. Don’t Say I Do! clearly propagates a postmodern vision, and unlike the Marriage Go Round focuses on single, unmarried, and divorced women of the global and digital age, in U.S., Europe, Israel, and the western world, while Cherlin documents merely the status in America.

Gadish, unlike Cherlin, looks at the decline of marriage and assesses the alternatives advantageous to women within her focus groups that included, among others, married women, unhappily married women, unmarried women, divorced women, and single women. Gadish’s work is a decidedly more ideological read, yet that fails to take away anything from the intellectual rigour and the uplifting voice  in her argumentation, discussion and  overall analysis of marriage decline as an international phenomenon (Gadish) rather than a local U.S. trend (Cherlin).

As a women herself, Gadish is more likely to embrace a female perspective than the traditional white-male one, and rightly addresses a blind spot in Cherlin's analysis. Whereas both authors point to a greater individual freedom as a factor to be considered in marriage demise, Gadish pin points the growth in the freedom of choice for women as a potential indicator for its happening. According to Gadish such freedom  of choice is a positive cultural change embraced by women throughout the western world, where women are realizing their true potentials in fulfilling careers, and through actively opting out of marriage and remaining single, unmarried and divorced.

According to Gadish, women do not have to get married today, as there are alternatives that may make them equally "settled down" or contented, such as living together with a partner (cohabitation) or living together apart (LTA) arrangements. The postmodern vision of Don’t Say I Do! further punctuates the difference between the two works, as Cherlin seeks to assess what is going wrong with marriage, while Gadish, on the other hand, outwardly endorses the decline of marriage in favour of growth of women’s rights to choose their individual paths, their personal goals in love life and relationships, motherhood, family and career matters, as well as their contentment and self-actualization.

For Gadish, there are no benefits to be had in stepping onto the "marriage go round" as women stand to experience costly legal hassles, custody battles, financial loss, and overall, heartache and resentment in entering multiple marriages ending in divorce, which are bound to make such women sceptical of their chances of achievement of happiness or success to least the least.

In sum, while a well written, researched and argued book, apparently the Marriage Go Round is a limited work, for it describes trends, but makes no real judgements as to what they mean for modern women and indeed men. On the other hand, Don’t Say I Do! may be more political in its stance on the decline of marriage, however it provides what the Marriage Go Round is missing, a reference to modern life outside the U.S., freedom of choice for women, and a real sense of perspective. 

(Opinion): Who Needs Marriage Today? A New Book "Don't Say I Do!" Suggests that Staying Single might be a Better Alternative to Marriage in the New Economy

For generations Americans have been informed of the benefits of marriage, the legal privileges, as well as the favorable treatment of marriage in the tax code, however, according to Don't Say I Do! Why Women Should Stay Single, a fantastic book written by Orna Gadish, the new economy favors single women who are independent and self-reliant.

Not hamstrung by family commitments or being punished for having a biological clock, single and unmarried women stand to gain in the Obama economy, as they are available for more hours and are flexible in an economic climate that favors those who can adapt to ever changing dynamics of the marketplace.

Women are generally well represented in jobs that require a high level of skill and are better educated than men in an economy that favor individuals, two factors that indicate that women have nothing to fear in the new economy which rewards the highly skilled and independent.

Americans are no longer promised jobs rich with long term security and lifetime entitlements such as healthcare and dental plans that used to favor marriage, but this fact has not been realized in the tax code. However, don’t be surprised if the Obama administration embraces this new economic reality and implements policies that recognizes it.

Raised by a strong and independent woman himself, President Obama has firsthand experience of the new social and economic reality and will have no problem arguing for policies that help the new economy. Women can thrive in this economy, as they can earn income without having to compromise with a partner, or consider the strain on the relationship such a compromise is sure to have.

In the past, women were punished for being independent or self-reliant, as the social expectations of women suggested women should be married and should be limited to the gender-role of child bearing, rearing and the upkeep of the family dwelling. However rapid changes in social and economic trends from the 1960's onward have largely benefited women, as they have greater freedom of choice nowadays with regards to work and relationships than ever before.

In sum, while marriage has some tax benefits for married couples according to Don't Say I Do!, filing singly would be more beneficial for women, since essentially, each partner can file in a lower tax bracket. Thus, single women, more than anytime in human history, can be the arbiters of their own fate and stand to gain significantly in the new economic and social reality set to be embraced by the current Obama administration and beyond. Needless to say, in an age where women have more choices, this benefits not only women but society as a whole.